Trade-offs: In life & In Weddings

Life is full of trade-offs! We make them every day, don’t we? For those of you who are rolling in wedding dough: skip this post 🙂 Otherwise, the rest of us… well… we can’t always have everything that we want. 

I have fallen in love with one particular floral vendor. I went to her shop and even walking in, I wanted to move in. She’s featured regularly in wedding blogs and is very busy and well known.  I knew she intuitively gets my style, and the exact feeling I want to evoke with my wedding florals. I feel as though I could leave it completely up to her and whatever she did would be magic. After all, flowers help to create that miniature world that we’re all trying to evoke on our wedding day, no? I got her estimate today. Gulp! It was, oh, about 4K more than what I told her I could afford! So it looks like if I go with this vendor, I would have to:

• scale down/ reduce the number of arrangements I’m asking for 
• give up a few other decor ideas I had as there would not be any $ for them

Bottom line is that I’m not ready to do either of those things! I have found and met with another florist who had worked at my venue many many times, and is starting to go out on her own. Huge Wedding Tip Here: People who have many years experience in what they do but are breaking free of whatever large entity they were a part of and starting out on their own are awesome vendors! Why? They bring all their years of experience in their craft, but are willing to work with you on cost, and typically come in lower than most other folks. I haven’t pulled the trigger yet, but looks like I will be going with Floral Vendor #2 because there are certain trade offs I’m not willing to make. It’s very important to know in your gut (listen to that wee voice!) what you are willing to budge on, and what you just can’t give up.

Wedding Advice: Your Wedding Day Support System

 

Troy Grover Photographers

As dedicated as you may be to your yoga and meditation practice, on the day of your wedding it’s likely you’ll be a bundle of nerves instead of the picture of calm. Thoughts racing through your head could include: What if we lose the rings? What if the DJ doesn’t show up, or my mother-in-law and sister-in-law start fighting? I’m going to stop you right there! This is the one day where you need to surround yourself with wonderful professionals, family, and friends who are there to support you and take every worry off your hands. Check out the list below for three key wedding day players.

Ally Number One: Your Wedding Planne.: Here is one area where being thrifty should not be a consideration. There’s a reason you should hire a professional with many weddings under her belt to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. Why? She’s seen it all, and knows what to expect. Your wedding planner is indispensable, particularly on the big day. She’ll have a back-up plan for anything that could possibly go wrong, ensure that vendors are on time and where they need to be, and take care of smoothing any bumps in the road so that nothing is discernible to your guests, and more importantly, to you and your beau.

Ally Number Two: Your Bridesmaids & Maid of Honor. Want to know how to spot a true friend? Will she: come with you to the bathroom to help hold your gown up? Run interference between your divorced aunt and uncle? Tasks like these (and many more) will be the duty of the lovely ladies who you’ve chosen to stand beside you on your wedding day. Take it from me, you really don’t need any two-faced, Friends-only-on-Facebook type friends helping you out! An awesome bridesmaid is one who truly puts the bride and her needs before anything else. As a bridesmaid, I’ve been asked to run out to drugstores for blotting papers that the makeup artist forgot, distract a truly repugnant relative with charming stories so that he wouldn’t annoy the groom, set up after-party decor, carry the bride’s lipstick/dancing shoes/cellphone, and much more. I didn’t mind, because I was helping my very good friends have successful weddings. Please choose bridesmaids that have your best interests at heart!

Ally Number Three: Your DJ. Like choosing the right wedding planner, selecting the right DJ can make or break your wedding. The DJ needs to know all of your cues, which pre-selected songs you want played during cake-cutting, bouquet toss, entrances, etc., needs to know how to read your crowd and play the right songs for your demographic,and will be MCing and making all sorts of important announcements that let the guests know what is going on. Choosing the right DJ means that when the crowd is up on their feet and dancing like there is no tomorrow, the great-music-wave will continue and the festive spirit will build. The wrong DJ will do things such as: not pay attention to you and your fiance’s song preferences or requests (whose wedding is this anyway?!), interrupt a great song by mixing a completely different song with a different vibe or beat, thus dispersing the crowd, and shattering the atmosphere. The right DJ can alleviate all your fears and keep your party going all night long.

More Wedding Advice: To Kid Or Not To Kid?

Julie Harris Photo

It’s one of the hottest topics debated on wedding message boards. Nope, it’s not whether you and your beau should register for your honeymoon, or if you really should include that bridesmaid to spare her feelings. The topic of the day is: Should I have kids at my wedding? There are two sides to this argument: those who feel that a wedding is a family event, and that includes baby Sophie and the two-year old twins. Besides, children are adorable! Then there are those who may cringe when thinking of their ceremony being interrupted by Little Jack’s toy airplane beeping, or the subsequent screaming tantrum if said airplane is accidentally left at home. Here are a few words of advice if you are on the fence.

• What kind of venue are you considering? If a hotel ballroom is one, this can be a very easy solution for you. Use a hotel room upstairs to have a separate “kids party” complete with local babysitters recommended by your coordinator, goody bags, kid-friendly food & snacks, age-appropriate movies, and more. Parents can pop upstairs to the room anytime they choose to check on Junior, and also have the peace of mind that their children are being entertained and having a lot of supervised fun. This is also a great solution for those of you considering a destination wedding, as many parents would have to skip your wedding entirely if it requires traveling a long distance without their child.
• Consider having an age limit. If you really want your well-behaved 12-year-old niece to attend, but are hesitant about toddlers, make it clear that your wedding is for children 12 and up.
•  Some venues are just not suited for children, like mine. If you are required to put down a large security deposit in a private home, or if your venue includes priceless art, breakables, or safety concerns such as an open swimming pool, it might be worth it to leave the little ones at home.
• Make sure the kids are entertained! Have child-appropriate favors and things to entertain them with throughout your wedding. Having a beach-side wedding? Creating a little area with goodies like buckets, shovels, plastic molds, and jars of shells and interesting rocks for sandcastle decorating will go a long way to keeping kids 10 and under happy. And when their kids are happy, parents usually are as well!

Picking Wedding Vendors

Yes, another stressful process. Once you pick your venue, you’ll know if you HAVE to use their list (we didn’t like places like that since we wanted the freedom to negotiate and look around) or if you can bring in whomever you want.

It doesn’t have to be AS stressful, with a few simple ideas:

• Ask the person you’re working with at your venue for a list of recommended vendors. Also, ask to see photos of weddings that have happened there, or look for them yourself online. If you like the look of any of those, ask them if they have the vendor info on file, or if you can contact the bride. Hell, you can even find that bride on Facebook if you get her name, and send her a polite message: I know I’m a total stranger and you don’t have to help me with this but i would really really appreciate it! By talking to three previous brides who were married at my venue, I got

1. What looks to be a great DJ, for a great price
2. A terrific reference for a caterer I was considering (had the tasting yesterday, knocked my socks off) and photos of what she did with her flowers, and who she used for that. This wonderful person sent me her complete vendor list without my even asking that question. Not everyone is that nice, but people like that certainly have good karma coming to them.

Thus far, my photographer & my beauty services are the only vendors who haven’t worked at my venue before or who weren’t on the vendor list provided by the owners of my venue. Photography is SUCH a personal and intimate thing, and it was above my dress in terms of priority list/ importance to me. For Beauty, in the Los Angeles are there are SO many people to choose from, that reading Yelp and Google reviews really helps. I picked someone I found in Junebug Weddings as, like any bride, I want to look fan-tas-tique on my wedding day.

So far, the only things I don’t have booked yet are shuttle transportation, flowers, and day -of coordinator. Flowers: I have appointments with 2  different people who have done flowers for this venue, and I’m 99.9% hiring the coordinator who works with the venue all the time and offers a discounted rate to brides who get married there. All that’s left is for F & I to meet her in person (which we’re doing at our favorite cafe).

How did you find your favorite vendors?

Tips on Finding the Best Wedding Venue for You

not my wedding venue, but amazing, right?!

Well, well, matey’s, it’s been a while since I’ve posted, hasn’t it? Nah, I don’t have any good excuses for not posting! This post wont’ be about recipes I’ve tried and failed (only one really so far) or my awesome trip to Kauai, but about the good juicy wedding stuff.

Now, many many aspects of a wedding are stressful. We can’t go into them at all in one post, suffice to say there have been several nights where I had trouble sleeping and was anxiously starting at my fiance sleeping peacefully beside me like a little lamb, wishing him awake so that we could discuss said issue. That particular issue (re: kids at the wedding, which is a hot topic on the wedding boards, let me tell you) was resolved in due course with good old compromise, a word which you will become VERY familiar with when planning a wedding!

One of the most pressing issues, that essentially will determine the following:

• your dress style– (ex: can’t have a huge cathedral drain and layers of tulle in an outdoor, July, east coast wedding unless you want to melt)
• your vibe/decor/ design scheme
• wedding date, based on what’s available
• all the rest of the costs

is your venue.

There are all the traditional ways to find the venue:

• search theknot.com, or wedding magazines and guides (like here comes the guide) that categorize venues by state or areas of that state
• you already know exactly what area you want to get married in, and target it that way

Here are some not -so-traditional ways:

• Blogs: go to your fave wedding blog and under the search type in, say, “los angeles.” You’ll get all the Los Angeles weddings. if you have the time and patience to comb through them, you will certainly see several weddings that suit your taste, and you can see exactly where those weddings took place. Before you get too excited though, try to get a price gage either on that site’s website, or on the phone, or in further communications with someone there. Don’t visit without knowing what you’re getting into!
• Google search. You can try: ” old hollywood glamour vintage wedding new york city” and see what comes up. A photographers blog, someone’s own wedding website… you  never know. This is how my father found my wedding venue! He can’t remember exactly what he typed in, but it included the words “spanish style” and “outdoor.”
• Wedding planners— they’re a fount of knowledge on venues, obviously! I got ideas from wedding planners on where to research visit without even hiring them, or paying a cent for that advice. I was new to California and knew hardly anything besides the most famous (read, pricey and annoying) venues that are featured time and time again on blogs. Two different planners were able to give me great insight and tips.

What did I look for upon choosing a venue? Well, since a wedding in Mexico was off the table for several reasons, here’s what I thought was important:

• I wanted a relaxed, intimate, outdoor wedding, looking at beautiful nature, and in comfortable weather. That meant California to me, since the weather (i.e. rain) is easier to predict and deal with. That also told me that the place needs to have great outdoor space, and needs to not be enormous. Nothing against hotel ballrooms, but I knew that wasn’t for me.
• Is my venue close to several hotels? How long will people have to be in the car/ shuttle between the venue and the hotel?
• Do I like the people who I’m dealing with at the venue? Do they inspire my confidence and trust? Are we on the same page? Are they shilling salesman type people who just want me to spend spend spend , or do they want to give me suggestions on how to save money? Do they get back to me in a timely manner?
• Do I feel it — whatever I’m supposed to feel, that magical, i can get married here feeling? At my venue, I felt that within 15 minutes of being there and also felt like God was there. no joke. I also cried! You don’t have to cry, but that’s usually a great sign!
• You want to talk to other brides, ask for references, (they should give those to you no problem)– get an idea from someone else what their experience was. You are about to spend a CHUNK of money on this– wouldn’t you read reviews about a computer or TV before buying? Or a hotel review before booking? Do the same thing in this case.

I fell in love with my venue even when Mexico was still a possibility, and I loved it so much that it was totally overtaking all that I had felt about Mexico. I think I got extremely lucky. I had dreamt of getting married in a private home (hence the Mexico villa concept, which is still a great one for anyone else thinking about it!) since I was 19 and went to a relatives wedding in the mountains of Ecuador. I wanted that same intimate, lovely, carefree feeling–I just didn’t think I’d be able to find that in my price range in California, of all expensive places! But I (or my dad) did find it. The owners of the home don’t advertise on any wedding blogs, magazines, etc they don’t need to. So I wouldn’t have found them through there either. They also are so warm and kind, and provided me with a list of vendors that they’ve worked with, would give you a good deal, that they trust, etc. Awesome! It’s made my life extremely easy. F and I look at each other and go, dang , this has been pretty smooth so far and we knock wood rapidly so as to not jinx ourselves. More on vendors in another post since I have a lot to say about that separately.

Best of luck in your wedding planning!!! And for those who are curious– after my wedding, I will share the details of my venue.

TiVo: A Total Addiction

Before I moved to L.A., F was all about “we will need 2 TV’s.” I didn’t really see it. Isn’t  1 TV, with Tivo’s 2 lovely recorders, enough? Well, the second we got back home from Kauai (more on this trip in another post!), F. turned on a football game and relaxed on couch while I ran around unpacking and sweating and with a grumpy face. I think I have an anti-football- on-TV disease. Just the loud cheering and annoying commentators and whistles blowing every 2 seconds really irks me. He considerately let me watch an InspectorLewis Mystery and took a break from football after seeing my pouty face. That lovely couple moment would not have been possible without TiVo. Francis was able to tape the game; I was able to access my saved Inspector Lewis Episode.

However.

There is a LOT of new exciting Fall programming. While F is out running errands, I miraculously was able to add to my record list several new fall shows WITHOUT there being a recording conflict (Fellow TiVo users will agree that that is indeed miraculous). 3 new shows that weren’t yet available to record, as they are premiering in late Sept, are: Person of Interest, Prime Suspect, and Apartment 23. 2 of my stand-by shows also weren’t available yet: Grey’s Anatomy & Private Practice. Hmm. I smell a potential conflict. F hasn’t even put in any of his new things yet… which is why he is jonesing for TiVo’s newest product: TiVo Premiere Elite, with 4 tuners, and 2TB of storage. I had no idea was “TB” was– it means “tetrabyte.” Well, okay. This little puppy costs $499. Yeah. That’s what I said. However, in the name of a harmonious home, we may have to seriously consider it come Xmas- list time. The fact that I’m even thinking about how to keep “my home harmonious” is very odd to me,  but I am rolling with it. One day at a time!

Needless to say, we wouldn’t get rid of the current TiVo. Oh no. Perish the thought. We would simply add it to the eventual second TV. Never mind that there is no room in our apartment for a second TV. It’s okay, every man must have his dreams 🙂

The Grown Ups

F and I are feeling pretty grown up. One, the bickering has simmered down. He was asking me why were fighting so much and I said, “Because we’re not used to sharing everything and not getting our own way 100% of the time,” and luckily, that bickering has decreased. Especially since we bought our first piece of grown up furniture. What makes it so is:

• It’s not from IKEA, someone’s sidewalk, or our parents (though you can find awesome stuff on the sidewalk, not knocking that!)
• and it cost grown up bucks

It’s a dresser that we bought at HD Buttercup and it’s designed by the same designer who makes everything for Restoration Hardware (F.’s fave store) – Timothy Oulton.

Now, F.’s tastes are mostly: steel, black, brown gray, gentleman’s club, and Cadillac Escalade. Mine are: woods, splashes of color, farmhouse-beachhouse, and a Mini Cooper. So therein lies the paradox. The fact that we agreed on this dresser was pretty miraculous. But it’s very cool, like a British boarding school trunk mixed on steroids. Check it out!

Wedding Cake

Yesterday, F. and I helped our very friendly neighbors, two young teachers, move a couch up our staircase and into their apartment. A few hours ago, they stopped by with a delicious thank you gift: 2 cupcakes from Hotcakes Bakes. One was red velvet, which is my favorite flavor when made authentically (fellow lovers will know this means cream cheese frosting and cocoa in the cake part) which this one was, but the other one… oooh, the other one.

Tres Leches Spicy Mango with Hortacha Frosting. Since I shared it with F, and he ate the entire mango slice, I cannot speak to it. But I CAN Speak to the genuine hortacha flavor (gosh how I love that drink!) and the fluffiness and loveliness of the cake part. The best part is: they do wedding cakes!! I don’t like that they cost $650, but all I want is a simple, white cake with some fresh flowers simply placed on it. So, if F and I tie the knot in Cali, this will be our wedding cake place. Yum.

My Must Haves: PooPourri

I will occasionally blog about items that I can’t live without/ make my life easier, better, healthier, what have you.

This post is dedicated to the line of products from Poopourri: A must have for guest bathrooms, and if you share your bathroom with anyone.

I discovered this little miracle at the Bar Method of Englewood. I then hunted it down at a store a few towns over, but it is available through Amazon.com as well. You simply spray the toilet bowl 4-6 times prior to going numero dos, and voila. No smell. Let me repeat: NO SMELL. For those of you who use matches (forgive me for getting graphic here), this product smells amazing as it’s made of natural oils, and is much better than smelling sulphurous smoke.  If you purchase through their website, they offer a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. This makes a fabulous hostess gift for the right friend (others may get offended), and also makes the bathroom a more peaceful place. Now, if I could only do something about my post-styling hair shedding that drives F. crazy…

A Brand New Day

So, I’m officially an L.A. resident! Still surrounded my boxes, still daunted by my seemingly never-ending to do list (must remember to exhale. Many times), but I’m here. F and I have accomplished a ton in a few short days:

• Made household purchases at Target, Costco, and Macy’s. Shockingly, we agreed on some plates!!  And our glasses!
• I’ve gotten health insurance, a mani pedi, applied for a job, taken my first Bar  Method class at the Marina Del Rey studio, made Francis an omelet, and driven around without having a complete panic attack (I had a 50% one…). I have not driven alone yet, but will do so on Sunday
• Contracted a housekeeper to come 2x a month, are trying out a delivery laundry service
• We have begun to talk about the wedding. I need to find more Orange County locales. I am thinking of emailing this lady for her help.

Things I have learned about living with your beloved/ living with my  beloved specifically:

• Get used to getting your way 50% of the time
• F doesn’t use napkins, likes chrome/metals, is addicted to Risk on his iphone, is good at comforting me when I’m having lots of anxiety, eats about 2-3x as much as I do
• TiVo sharing is critical. As long as I get my Masterpiece Classic, Mystery, and Contemporary, (and some Law & Order CI thrown in) I’m good. Well… until the Fall slate begins.
• Nagging doesn’t get me very far

I’m sure I will be adding to this list as we go along for the ride!